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Teenagers or Aliens?

Is my teenager an alien?

As a mom of three, I know the rolling eyes and messy bedrooms all too well. Not to mention a walking, talking, kicking, screaming Google living in your own house. It’s an absolute miracle that I don’t have false teeth yet, if you consider every time I had to grind on them to keep my mouth shut! Maybe that’s a good thing. Can you imagine if I had to shout at the kids with teeth flying through the air?

I had moments with my children when they were teens, where they brought out Cruella de Vil in me. Then there were times where I knew I had to turn around and walk away for their safety, and then there were moments where I just had to put my foot down and let them know that I was the boss.

My own story…

I was that terrible rebellious teenager! When my older two were teens, I realized what my poor parents had to go through. It was no wonder my dad sometimes threw his shoes at me to quiet me. At least my parents were two handling the task. Being a single mom for many years, I had to raise two teenagers by myself for a while. I give a big shoutout to all the single moms and dads.

If you read my post on 16 May 2020 http://thelifecoachonline.com/the-follow-the-recipe-mom/, you will also know that I have a prodigal son that is exploring the world to try and find himself. So, I am not writing this blog because I know it all. I am writing this blog because I know many moms need to hear they are not alone.

New beginnings.

Only three weeks after I gave birth to my son, their father and I had yet another huge fight. He lifted his hands at me, and I decided I had enough! I took my two children and walked out, but not after I got a punch in myself. I took everything I could fit in a few refuse bags and left to start over.

The three of us moved back to my home town. We enjoyed our life, surrounded by good people. Four years later he returned, with all kinds of empty promises. I thought I should give him another chance for the children’s sake. Biggest mistake! A marriage can only work if there is mutual love, and both parties want to work on the marriage. But that’s a topic for another day.

My focus in life.

The children were always by my side. They went through all the pain and hardship with me. They were my focus in life, and my reason to become the person I am today. My children were the perfect example of well-behaved children.

Except for the day they climb over a locked gate with their best friends! It was school holidays, and my friend and I, both single moms at the time, had to work. They sneaked out of the house! Luckily we stayed in a secured complex. By the time the babysitter found them, all four were next to the pool, feet hanging in the water, chatting away! The two older girls were 5 at the time. According to them, they were watching over the younger two, who was only 4 and 3 years old.

THEN THEY BECAME TEENAGERS!

I never thought that two adorable little angels could change into two teen monsters. Okay, maybe I am exaggerating a little, but there were times it felt like they were monsters. At times my daughter would pack her bags and shout at me “I am going to live with my father!” I would then happily respond with “So, what are you waiting for? Let me help you pack!”

Then came along a man in my life! To make things worse, or so my teen’s thought, he had a daughter. When I met my husband, things evolved much faster than I ever expected. It was a shock for my children, especially with them being teenagers. His daughter was living with him full time, and she was part of the package. In the early stages, they were still keen on the idea, but as soon as they realized we were getting married, things got interesting.

My teens were acting like toddlers!

Their whole world practically changed overnight. Our youngest was in seventh heaven. For her, it was a new family with a mom and two siblings. For the older two, it was a different story. They felt like they got an annoying little sister. The two of them were always very close, sharing everything and enjoyed each other’s company.

That changed when they had to share me with someone else, share the backseat of the car with someone else. There were countless times we had to pull over to sort out the perpetual fights about leg space. They would change from being Mr and Miss know-it-all, to acting like two-year-old’s in seconds

But that also passed.

Today, both the older children love their little sister and would do anything for her. People who don’t know us, don’t even know that we’re a blended family. Looking back now, it is quite funny. But being in the moment, could drive a parent up the walls!

Choose your battles carefully.

You see, being a parent of a teenager can be enough to drive anyone mad, but how we deal with it is up to us. There are times when it is not worth picking the fight, and other times you have to fight to keep them on track. Choose your battles carefully! I am talking to myself as well. Sometimes I also need to chill. So what if the room is not tidy? Do an inspection when something smells like it died in there. If it is bothering you, close the door.

If your teenager is doing something that will put his of her life in danger, or someone else may get hurt, then its a battle worth fighting. If they are doing drugs, then yes, it is a battle worth choosing. But with that said, they still need to obey the house rules. They can’t be excused from their chores because they are teenagers.

Different species.

I have included links to two books that helped me tremendously with my aliens from another planet. It helped me to understand them better. Mostly it is believed that teenagers are different species because of their hormonal changes. Although hormones are one of the reasons for their behavioural changes, it’s not the only reason. Most of them become weird and impossible to live with for various other reasons.

Rob Parsons explains in his book, Teenagers! With MRI studies on teenage brains, Neuroscientist’s have been able to track the development of the teenage brain. It has become evident that different parts of the brain mature at different rates. According to his book, the studies revealed that in the early teenage years, the brain undergoes another growth spurt, at least the equal of the early childhood one.

Logic is not logic to them.

According to Rob Parsons book, the terrible two’s and the traumatic teen’s seem to have a very similar neural underpinning. Their brains have not yet developed the full ability to control their emotions. According to these studies, the last part of the brain development has to do with the frontal lobes, the pre-frontal cortex immediately behind the forehead. And this can still be a work in progress until beyond the age of twenty. This is not only the part that controls emotions, but the ability to make sound judgement’s. Also why logic is not very logic to them.

Be sure to get at least one of these books. I still refer back to them, since I have one last teenager to pull through, or am I the one to pull through?

Disclosure: Bear in mind that some of the links in this post are affiliate links and if you go through them to make a purchase I will earn a commission. Keep in mind that I link these companies and their products because of their quality and not because of the commission I receive from your purchases. The decision is yours, and whether or not you decide to buy something is completely up to you.

Featured

Why am I writing this blog?

It has been a while now that I felt led to write a blog. My husband and I are Ordained Ministers. Our calling though, is not to preach from the pulpit, but to tell people the truth. Train disciples. Help to forge them in becoming what they are born to be and help themselves. There are many people that do not go to church because…

Many got hurt somehow by a church member, a youth leader, a Pastor or other church leaders. Many people who followed Jesus once, now sit at home every Sunday, not reading their Bible anymore, not praying. They just gave up on God.

Maybe they did not give up on God, but they don’t know how to serve Him anymore.

Maybe you never went to church. Maybe you have only seen Christians and said: ‘If this is what a Christian is like, then I don’t want to be one”.

As a woman, a mom, a sister, a daughter and aunt, I passionately feel that us ladies need to connect. I want you to know that there are real Christians out there. There are people who really care. I want to tell you that it is okay to not always be on top of everything, to cry, to fail and to reach out to someone. I want to tell you that we all go through difficulties and struggles in our lives. Pressures of life and families can sometimes get the better of us, but we can lift each other up, encourage each other and be there for each other without judging.

In my blog I am going to share some stories about my life, to show you where I come from and how I got where I am today, to show you that anything is possible to the one who believes and that we can do all things through Him who strengthens us. I did not want to become a Minister or a Life Coach when I was younger, that was not at all my dream for my life.

Did they even exist then?

In fact, my focus was on other things, I did not even consider God in any of my plans when I was younger.

God had plans for my life!

I did not know it then, but as I made wrong decisions in life (and believe me, I made plenty), lots and lots of school fees had been paid to the “School of Hard Knocks” over the years. I still carry the scars to prove it. I realized that my wrong decisions and my failures were all part of my shaping. I had to be shaped into the person that God wanted me to be before He could use me.

We all have a purpose in life.

A purpose for God.

He created us to glorify Him.

How do we glorify Him?

By becoming the person that God intended us to be. By sharing my past, my failures, my successes and thoughts with you, I am hoping that you will find your purpose.

I hope that my journey will encourage you. Not to only seek the truth and your intended purpose, but also to show you that not one of us are perfect.

We… All…Make…Mistakes!

We all make mistakes. We will continue to make mistakes in the future.

But if we have a relationship with Christ, we can overcome anything and use our failures to glorify Him.

If you have a friend that you think would be inspired by my blog, please share it. Let’s inspire as many as we can.

Don’t Let Aging Get You Down – The Follow-up

Time stands still for no one…

Don’t Let Aging Get You Down, It’s Too Hard To Get Back Up!

Have you read my blog on 4 July 2020 – Don’t Let Aging Get You Down? If not, you have to read it to know why I am doing a follow-up on this post.

So, now you know that I have been on trial and error with medication and herbal products to relieve my back pain. In my previous blog, Don’t Let Aging get you down, I told you about Collagen and how it helped me with many things like stronger nails, hair growth, and hydrated skin. But I needed more. I didn’t want to stay on my medication forever, and being on Collagen only was not enough. I won’t take up pole dancing soon, but at least I found something that is helping me to do jumping jacks without holding onto a walking stick. That’s not my thing.

Collagen Ultra 600 grams Berry Flavor — This product is worth a try. It comes in a 600g tub, for more or less the same price as you would pay for a 320g tub from another brand. Even less if you buy more than one. It also tastes great!

The Miracle Coffee

A friend of mine suggested I tried her Miracle Organic Coffee, and being someone that loves a good cup of coffee, I didn’t say no to this challenge!

I had my doubts. After all, how can coffee take away my pain, and taste good too? So, I began my research on the product and saw many awesome testimonials about this coffee. People are using it for weight loss, high blood pressure, insomnia, migraines, and many more.

So, thinking that the only thing I could lose from this is some weight, I ordered my stock!

Health Benefits

To give a review on this product, I will have to be totally honest. No beating around the bush!

The special ingredient in this coffee is a mushroom called Ganoderma. Ganoderma is also known as Reishi, and some even call it the mushroom of immortality. According to PubMed.gov, https://pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/29141563/ clinical studies have shown the beneficial effects of Ganoderma Lucidum with cancer patients.

It is also documented to work against liver dysfunction, kidney dysfunction, high blood pressure, high cholesterol, arthritis, insomnia, bronchitis, asthma, gastric ulcers, just to name a few.

The Secret Killer

On the cover of Time Magazine, 23 February 2004, it calls inflammation “The Secret Killer”. All of us have some level of inflammation, and the inflammatory process is one of the primary factors that age our cells and age our bodies. See how Dr Bob Rakowski explains more on this topic in the video below

Health Benefits of Ganoderma by Dr. Bob Rakowski

No Medication For Me Anymore

Since I started using this coffee, it has changed my life. I’m not on chronic pain medication anymore! Before, it was a struggle to pick up my own grocery bags without feeling pain. I am working in the garden again, doing my own grocery shopping, and I can even consider enrolling for pole dancing. Even my workout schedule is back to normal.

I also had many hormone imbalances due to menopause, which you can read about in my blog post of 4 May Blame it on the hormones. I don’t even get hot flashes and migraines anymore.

Business Opportunity

I was so impressed by this product that I have even joined this powerful and productive team to promote their product. Being an entrepreneur and business owner, I never say no to a good business idea. After all, who doesn’t like coffee? Okay, I know there are a few of you, but this company even caters for you. They also have products like tea, hot cocoa, and shakes for the fitness fanatics.

Get Collagen Home — **Don’t Let Aging Get You Down, It’s Too Hard To Get Back Up!**

If you want to know more about these amazing products, you can go to my link below or email me on support@tinamarie-blog.com

Organo Gold

Don’t Let Aging Get You Down

Time stands still for no one…

Don’t Let Aging Get You Down, It’s Too Hard To Get Back Up!

How do you know you’re getting old?

When the only pole dancing you do, is to hold onto the safety bar in the bathtub.

When you buy sexy underwear and they automatically gift wrapped it.

I’m aging like a fine wine; building up pressure and about to be uncorked.

There are many jokes about aging, and I love it. The older I get, the more I realize that there is no way around it. No short cuts, we all grow old, but how we grow old is up to us.

Barbie Dolls and Roller Skates…

Growing up, we stayed in a neighborhood where all the children in the street would play together. When the girls were playing in the dollhouse of the girl next door, the boys would join us. We would then join the boys in playing games outside, which would include football, roller skating, bicycle riding, and skateboarding.

I had a few hard falls as a child, especially on my coccyx (tailbone). I was never the Barbie kind of girl, as the fire department of that town would be able to tell you after my friends and I started a neighborhood fire. But that is a story for another day.

I can’t even remember how many times I landed on the tarmac. One time I was roller skating, and I was good at it, but that day I wanted to impress some boys. I made an impression alright, but it was the impression of my skin left in the tar. I still have the scars on my knees to prove it.

Falling Hard…

After all these injuries as a child, I had another hard fall when I was pregnant with my son. That was not at all to impress anyone. No, I slipped on a wet floor. I was carrying plates and could not help myself with the landing. I ended up horizontal – level with the surface, when I hit the floor with my back first. I tried holding my head and the plates in the air at the same time. Needless to say, it wasn’t a lady-like move at all. I landed like a mashed potato between all the broken glass on the floor. Although it wasn’t funny at the time, thinking back, it must have looked hysterical.

It took me about 5 minutes to get a sound out of my mouth to call for help. I could not move, and the paramedics had to lift me out of broken glass and food onto the gurney. I thank God my son was okay, but I broke my coccyx in the process. What I only realized now, 19 years later, was that I also injured my back very severely that day.

Medication or Natural products?

In my blog on 4 May 2020, I wrote about my struggles with my hormones. http://thelifecoachonline.com/blame-it-on-the-hormones/ Ever since I can remember, my mom reminded me to take a supplement for my bones. I also knew about collagen and how important it was, but on my hormonal trail and error expedition, I got to know a lot more about this product.

I am using strong pain medication that my doctor prescribed for my back, but I don’t want to be on medication for the rest of my life. I also refuse to go for a back operation. So, I have decided to do some experiments on natural products that could help me with my pain relief, and I have decided to make you a part of this journey.

I am going to do reviews on the products as I use them and let you know what I think. The first product that I am going to write about is Collagen powder. When I visited a doctor for my hormonal issues, one of the things she advised me to use was Collagen powder.

The Benefits of Collagen powder…

According to all the research I have done, all the following benefits stood out the most;

Increasing of skin collagen density.
Improvement of skin hydration.
Strengthening of hair and nails.
Reducing inflammation.
Maintaining and support of healthy joints.
Supporting of the digestive health.
Relieving of aching joints.
Strengthening and stabilizes bones, muscles, joints, tendons, and cartilage.
Smoothing out wrinkles and fine lines.
Reducing Cellulite and Stretch marks.
Strengthens Heart and Arteries, just to name a few.

My own view…

So, I have been using it for a few months. Here are some of the benefits I have seen up to now. I used to have my nails done, for the simple reason that my nails were very brittle. My left thumbnail would split into two parts and would never grow longer than my nail bed. Now my nails are growing, and it is most definitely in a better condition than ever before.

I can see a difference in the strength of my hair, and also in the rate it is growing. There is also a definite change in my skin hydration. It is not as dry as it usually is in winter.

My back pain; we’ll have to wait and see. I think it will take some more time for me to see a difference, but I will keep on using the Collagen powder. I am also going to double my doses to see if it will make a difference in my back pain. I will keep you updated when I see any improvement.

In my opinion, collagen is something that every one of us should use. We are not getting any younger, and we need to look after ourselves. Even if you don’t feel the aches and pains yet, trust me, it is coming like a thief in the night.

Salusa 45 and reading glasses!

Visiting my chiropractor last week, we had a good laugh as he explained the following; as youngsters, holidays with our friends included packing a pair of jeans and a t-shirt. We would have enough to drink, and some aspirin for the hangover. Later years, family holidays included fewer drinks, more clothes, and bigger medical kits. By the time we reach fifty, we don’t have a care in the world about what we take with, as long as we remember the medical kit and our reading glasses.

Well, I am not there yet, and all of us are not feeling old at the age of fifty, but we cannot stop the process of aging. So rather be prepared to stay healthy as we grow older. I don’t know about you, but I would do anything to prevent my back from getting worse. I would rather spend some money now on things that could benefit me for my old age than being old and wishing I did it sooner.

To all my friends and subscribers, not living in South Africa, I am working on finding you a good Collagen product in your area. As soon as I do, I will post it on Facebook and Instagram.

Six Healthy Weight Loss Tips

photo credit: wuestenigel Halves of different ripe, fresh fruit. Healthy food concept via photopin (license)

Am I hovering?

As I soak up the winter sun on my porch this morning, I am trying to get some inspiration for my blog. My attention is drawn to the Pool Cleaner that keeps on cleaning the swimming pool on the same spot. It got me thinking.

Weight loss!

Yes, I know! You’re probably thinking, how can the Pool Cleaner make you think about weight loss! Let me explain…

Like the Pool Cleaner hovering on the same spot, we can sometimes get comfortable in one spot. Instead of choosing to change for the better, we would stay in our comfort zone.

Maybe you gained some weight while in lockdown. Perhaps you feel discouraged because you feel like you’ve been on a rollercoaster ride with your weight. Or, perhaps you have been hovering on that bigger size for too long. Whatever your reason may be, I hope I can encourage you with these six tips today. If you haven’t read my blog on Blame it on the Hormones yet, you might find it very encouraging. http://thelifecoachonline.com/blame-it-on-the-hormones/

Six tips to get you going

In my blog, Blame it on the hormones, I wrote about the struggles that I had with my hormones and weight gain. But having hormonal problems was not the only reason for my weight gain. Stress was also a factor, and I speak to others daily that are facing the same challenges as I did.

Being on all kinds of fad diets and eventually learning how to keep the weight off, I want to give you girls some tips on losing weight and staying healthy. I followed these simple tips, and it worked for me.

1. Set realistic goals.

All of us have different reasons for wanting to lose weight. What is your ideal weight and goals? Where do you get your goals from, and are your goals healthy and realistic?

If your goal is to lose 10 kg before the wedding in 5 days, then your goal is unrealistic. Now, let’s say your goal is to get back into shape over time. You have a planned workout schedule for each day, and you have a healthy meal plan worked out for the next week. Now is your goal more realistic? I think so, because you haven’t set an unrealistic time limit for yourself, and you’ve planned for at least one week ahead.

If your goal is not realistic, you will find yourself ending up frustrated and miserable for not reaching it. You will feel like a failure and give up even before you’ve started. Take one week at a time. You will be surprised if you look back after focusing on a week at a time, what you can accomplish over a few months.

2. Be willing to make a change.

Let me be frank with you! If you are not willing to make a lifestyle change, you don’t even need to read the rest of my post. It took you months or even years to gain the weight, am I right? To think you are going to get rid of it in a week or two, is unrealistic. Many products advertise quick fixes, but is it healthy? Even if you do lose the weight in a matter of weeks, it’s not healthy and will be back before you know it. You need to make a change and stick to it.

3. Plan your meals…

You need to plan your meals. If you are like me, dinner is the last thing on your mind after a hard-working day. So, what do you do? You settle for the easiest.

As a working mom, planning dinner is already challenging on its own. So, we need simple but healthy meals. You don’t want to prepare two different meals to cater to everyone’s needs because it won’t last a week. Find healthy foods that everyone will enjoy, and be creative in your planning.

4. Educate yourself to healthier choices.

Making healthier choices is not always that easy, but if you stick to it you will see the results. I’ve noticed that everyone doesn’t always know what the healthier choices are. That is why it is very important to educate yourself. Read the labels and make sure you know what goes into your mouth.

Take-outs and fast foods are also a BIG NO if you are trying to live a healthy lifestyle. There’s a reason it is called FAST foods. If you’re really in the mood for something other than a home-cooked meal, rather go to a restaurant or order from one where you have healthier choices. Throw out all those unhealthy snacks in your cupboard, and replace it with healthier options. For instance, instead of ordering a pizza, you can make it at home. You can find plenty of healthier pizza dough recipes online, and you can even make it fun with the whole family joining in.

5. Get moving!

The most common mistake people make with exercising is to start with a big bang, and two days later giving up. If you’re not used to exercising, chances are you’re probably as fit as a sloth. Start with something that works for you. If you don’t like running, then why on earth would you commit to the local running club in your area? I realized very early in my life that I am NOT a runner. If I have to run for some forced reason beyond my control, you would hear me coming from a mile away. I would sound like an English Bulldog with respiratory problems!

But not being a runner doesn’t mean I can’t exercise. Walking at a pace also increases my heart rate, but at least I can breathe. Rather go for a walk with a friend, or join a park run group, and walk at your own pace. If you like cycling then join a spinning class. But don’t try to keep up with the girl next to you because she’s probably been doing it much longer than you think.

You probably have your reasons for not exercising, but a reason leads to an excuse. There are plenty of ways to become involved in exercising programs, but you need to find your thing. Explore the opportunities in your area, and make it a family effort. Do something the whole family will enjoy. Exercising can be a lot of fun!

6. Draw the line between comfortable and healthy!

I am all for feeling comfortable in your skin. One person will feel comfortable wearing a size 26. Another would feel more comfortable in a size 46, but you need to know where to draw the line between feeling comfortable and being healthy. If I can’t breathe when I tie my shoelaces, I’m uncomfortable, so I would much rather avoid getting there at all.

Losing weight is not the end goal here, but being healthy is. If your lifestyle changes for the better, losing weight will become a part of it. If you go on a fad diet to lose weight, you will end up back on the rollercoaster. Like everything else in life, you have to make a choice. You need to ask yourself if you want to live a healthier life for yourself, your family, and friends? Do you need to lose weight, or are you going to stay where you are? Hovering….

Because of social distancing, I would suggest you look into some online exercising programs. To get inspired, check out this website: https://flyfitness.space/

You can also find great support and ideas on this Facebook group. https://www.facebook.com/groups/h.thy.family/about/

If you’ve missed my blog, Blame it on the Hormones, it is worth the read. Hormonal problems could be the reason why you have been struggling with weight loss. http://thelifecoachonline.com/blame-it-on-the-hormones/

Below are some e-book links that can help with planning your healthy meals, as well as healthy recipe ideas for children that you can try out.

Father’s Day Gift Ideas

photo credit: shixart1985 Dad teaching son to ride a motorycle. via photopin (license)

We need to celebrate Father’s Day

Father’s day is a time to show our appreciation to our fathers and father figures. The statistics of absent fathers are overwhelming, although I see many single dads raising their children. I see stepdads stepping up for absent fathers, and I see fathers beating statistics. Therefore we need to show the ones caring for us how much we care for them.

I just love buying gifts! So, as promised, I have shopped around for some Father’s day gift ideas to make your shopping easier. I hope these three links will help you to browse and order online in the comfort of your own home, without having to face the cold this weekend. I am sure you would be able to find something for that special man in your life right here. Just click on the banners and shop.

Cotton On

They’ve got 100’s of men’s new arrivals from men’s denim, jeans, hoodies, and fleece to knitwear and accessories.

At Cotton On you can get up to 70% discount. Check out this link for Men’s Knits and more.

NetFlorist

If you thought NetFlorist only delivered flowers, think again. They have a wide selection of gifts to choose from, not only for Father’s day, but for every occasion. I have ordered from them a few times, and they provide excellent service! Plus, you can order everyday groceries from them as well.

Here you can find anything from a personalized mug to clothing.

Mantality

Here you can find something for every dad!

Enjoy your shopping!

Depression – Can You Overcome it?

photo credit: chiaralily Missing You via photopin (license)

Depression, how do you see it?

What is the first that comes to mind when you hear the word depression? Can you overcome depression? Many people think it can only happen to the weak. Others say people are using it as an excuse for attention. I also heard people say, depression is not an illness, and that someone can snap out of it.

Nothing could be further from the truth…

Depression affects people from all walks of life, from young people to Doctors, Teachers, and Pastors. It can cause tremendous pain, not only for the person suffering from it, but also for people close to that person.

What is the root cause for depression?

Dr. MK Strydom, in her DVD – Healing begins with the sanctification of the Heart, and her book -The Bible from a Medical Perspective, Medicine from a Biblical Perspective, explains it in much more detail. You can find the DVD and Book on her website – https://www.bridalharvest.com/

According to Dr. Strydom, the root cause of depression comes from low self-esteem, self-hatred, self-rejection, self-condemnation, and/or guilt in a person’s thought life. It can also be inherited. She goes into more detail in her book.

To understand depression

If we want to help someone close to us with depression, or if we want to help ourselves, we need to know how the nerves in your brain work and why people are depressed.

Dr. Strydom explains:

Your brain consists of 3 trillion nerves. They are all joined or linked to each other. Information travels along the nerves in the form of an electrical current. At the joining between two nerves, there is a gap which is called the nerve synapse. The nerve synapse joins two nerves. When the electrical current reaches the end of a nerve, it stimulates the production of chemicals, called neurotransmitters that travel across the nerve synapse to the next nerve. Reaching the next nerve, they attach to the special receptors. This then generates an electrical current in that nerve. This is how an electrical current is passed on from one nerve to the next.

There are different types of neurotransmitters in your brain. The most important for you to remember is, Serotonin, Norepinephrine, and Dopamine

Hypothalamus – The Hypothalamus is the mind-body connection. It releases chemicals in response to our thoughts that travel throughout our whole body, affecting the way in which we function. It responds to those thoughts of low self-esteem, self-hatred, self-rejection, etc, of the neurotransmitters in your brain. Serotonin is lowered the most. Norepinephrine and to a lesser extent Dopamine is also lowered. When these Neurotransmitters levels are lowered, it causes the whole central portion of your brain, called the deep limbic system to inflame.

Serotonin is the chemical that was designed to make you feel good about yourself. So, when the serotonin levels are too low, you feel bad about yourself. Low serotonin can also cause migraines, binge eating, and weight problems. The second nerve tries to compensate for this deficiency of serotonin by increasing the number of receptors. These excess receptors on the nerves cause the symptoms of depression.

Can you snap out of depression?

No, you can’t! Many years ago I was prescribed anti-depressants, but it was more stress-related. In my case, I had to use the medication only for a short period of time. But in people with serious depression, you can not snap out of it, or decide to quit your medication at any time, unless you are doing it with medical help.

I never realized how serious depression could be, until I experienced it with people close to me. But when you are closely involved with people suffering from depression, you can deal with a lot of emotions of your own. You can go through stages of helplessness, frustration, anger, guilt, sadness, and many more. You have to learn, that while taking care and trying to help a person with depression, you also need to look after yourself. It is all good to try and help the person overcome negative thoughts, or to try and help them be more optimistic and somehow get their energy levels up. But all of these can be very overwhelming for you, especially if you neglect your health to do that.

You can’t fix another person!

We can’t rescue a person from depression. We can offer them love and support, but recovery is up to them. Depression can be managed with the right treatment, and in certain cases, it can even be cured. This link has some interesting reading about our mental filters. http://thelifecoachonline.com/can-a-tiger-change-his-spots/

Can Depression be cured without medication and countless visits to psychiatrists? What are your thoughts?

I would recommend that you get yourself this e-book below (hard copy also available).

Sheila Walsh, best-selling author, popular Women of Faith speaker, and gifted recording artist, has a God-given passion for reaching out to women who are privately carrying around broken hearts. She knows what they are going through because she used to be one of them.

Are you lonely but too ashamed to open up?
Are you a victim of well-meaning friends who have told you to get over it?
Have you tried to heal yourself, to tidy up your pain with a quick fix?
Is there a voice inside you saying that you will never change, that you are not worthy of God’s love, that you will always be stuck as you are right now?

In The Heartache No One Sees, Sheila shows you why some people are able to access and maintain an absolute hope that cannot be shaken, while others lose it like the morning mist. You’re invited to join her on a prayer-filled, God-seeking journey to understand how to live in this world, with all its potential for hurt, pain, and fear, and still experience a deep healing that you are able to hold on to, no matter what life throws at you.

Another must read e-book by Sheila Walsh, In the Middle of the mess!

Smile and Wave or Stay and Fight

photo credit: Carlos Velayos Powerful Girl. ¿Vencida?. No es una derrota, es una eseñanza. via photopin (license)

Being an Online Life Coach is the reason I started my blog. I don’t believe in coincidence, everything happens for a reason. That is why my blog today, was not by accident or coincidence.

In the past few weeks, I had conversations with a few people that are struggling to let go of their past. They can’t let go of certain people from their past. They keep grudges against people that have wronged them twenty years ago etc, etc…

My plan was to write about teenagers today, because believe you me, some of us can do with some advice on teens. But, like I said, that was what I had planned, but my mind kept shifting back to the past and forgiveness. After I made up my mind about what the title of my blog would be today, I read my husband’s blog. I had no idea what his topic was, but I was stunned, to say the least!

Again, like I said, nothing is by chance! There it was, confirmed in black and white. We wrote about a subject that was interlinking like chains, connected as if it was planned.

How many times have you argued with your spouse, or someone close to you, where one of you would bring up something that happened a long time ago. Even if you know that is not the reason for the fight, but by throwing that in there, that person just started another argument that was totally unnecessary.

Yep, I know! I have done it, and I’m sure you know exactly what I am talking about…

Ever heard these words; “He/She will never change?” Maybe someone told you something and you thought; “Typical! That is exactly what I expected from him/her.” Have you ever judged someone, based on what someone else told you? Maybe lies were spread about you, and you lost a great friendship. You see, we all make mistakes. For some of us, our mistakes can make us feel so guilty, that we can’t forgive ourselves. Perhaps you got hurt, and you can’t forgive. But there is one thing we need to consider in all of this… can people change? Are you still the same person that you were 20 years ago, or have you changed?

If you read my husband’s blog, on our Life Coach Online home page http://thelifecoachonline.com/can-a-tiger-change-his-spots/ you will find a much deeper understanding of why people do the things they do.

Let me take myself as an example: I am not the same person I used to be 20 years ago! I thank the Lord for that! I don’t think my hairstyle of 20 years ago would suffice… I am not even the same person as I was a year ago. I decided to change for the better, and I am growing each day. I made many mistakes, and I have done things that I am not proud of, and even ashamed of, but because I made changes in my life, I can move on. I cannot forget everything, but I can forgive others, and most of all, I can forgive myself.

And this is where the question that many people ask me comes in, … “but how does one forgive and forget?” You don’t! To start with forgiveness, is already a very difficult step to take, but how can you forget? If something happened, and the memory is imprinted in your brain, you cannot forget, but you can learn to forgive.

If you shuffle the cards and you look at it from the other side, if you can change, why can’t someone else change? What I am trying to say to you, is that everyone needs a fair chance for forgiveness… BUT, and this is a BIG BUT if you forgive someone, it is not to say that you have to be big buddies again. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to go back to how things were, and have lunch once a month. You don’t even have to speak to that person again, but you need to forgive!

I have made that mistake many times in my life, and every time with the same person. I gave that person my forgiveness and another chance back into my life, just to get to a point, where I have to struggle with forgiveness again and again. So, everyone CAN change, but everyone doesn’t always want to.

This is not the same for everyone. So, when you forgive, and it is a relationship that is worth fighting for, then you fight for that relationship. BUT, if you have experience of that person always going back to his/her old ways, forgive the person and then…….. smile and wave! Yes, you can pray for him/her, but it is not your responsibility to change anyone. That is a decision every person has to make for themselves.

Do you feel stuck in the past for some reason? Are you struggling with forgiveness? Have you made any changes to grow? If you need any help in this area, go to our Life Coach Online home page for more info. http://thelifecoachonline.com/home/ Below is also a great e-book on forgiveness. I know forgiveness is not an easy thing to do on your own, but if we want forgiveness, peace, and joy in our lives, we need to forgive others

Please don’t forget to subscribe to get all the latest blogs. Don’t miss out on anything, subscribe now! I will also post some Fathers Day specials soon.

Can a Tiger change his spots?

photo credit: Wild in Africa. The beauty of a leopard via photopin (license)

Heard this question before?
What are mental filters? What is habitual thinking? Thinking habits? Can you change the way you make decisions?

I was watching a movie with my wife a few days ago. I don’t think I was paying much attention (nothing new for me…), but I do remember the girl saying that a tiger cannot change his spots. She had my attention for a while (however brief).. Then my thoughts wandered off on how she got to that statement. (I am not going to challenge anyone’s mental capacity here.) You see, everything is wrong with that statement! Tigers have stripes! Leopards have spots.
So, can a leopard change his spots, then?

No… but the phrase generally refers to a person who cannot change his/her behavior, thinking patterns, etc.
Can a person change? I believe so.
But, before you can do that (make a change), you will want to know what to change, and how. Right? A while ago, I wrote about the 4 Survival needs (it was brief, and it will turn out a great discussion in the future). In case you missed it, here is the link.
Okay, so you’re caught up? Back to the tiger’s spots…

Before you (or me) can change in any way, we need to ask: “How available am I?” How available are you to change? What if you discover things about yourself you do not like?

So, now you are rehearsing the answer in your head…

So, why is it that you try to change, but just can’t? You have tried so many times in the past. Every New year it is on the top of your list. You try. You really do. But by day 3 you conclude that a leopard really cannot change his spots.
What if I told you that you are stuck in perceptions?

The way in which something is regarded, understood, or interpreted. The way YOU see life. Life through your eyes. What gave you the perceptions you have about life, people, religion, relationships, business, etc.
I am not going to tell you here that all you ever believed and did is completely wrong. I am not saying you are a bad husband, father, or businessman. (mother, wife, businesswoman).

What I am asking is, what if you understand your own perceptions and those of others better?
What if you can understand how you make decisions in life? Based on what? How will that affect all your relationships (life, people, religion, business, etc)? What if you understand why people make decisions you think is just completely stupid?

Let me explain:
Every person creates perceptions over years of life. Every person is different. Ever hear the saying: “walk a mile in my shoes”? I read one recently that explains me better: Don’t walk a mile in my shoes, spent a few minutes in my head…
Then we will see if you still come to the same conclusions you do now. (And vice-versa off course.)

Thinking Habits

Destructive patterns of Habitual thinking.
I think you should read that again.
Your habitual thinking has formed you over the years. We all know that one guy. The one who sees a big, dark cloud on a silver lining. That Negative Guy. Ever thought why? Why is he always complaining that the sky will fall on our heads? Where does he draw those conclusions from? Maybe you are That Guy…
So, why does nothing ever work out for That Guy? And if something good does come along, like a new job, why does it go sour after a while? More or less the time when everyone around you see your true spots? The complaining, negative you…
Here is how we think… (or rather, come to conclusions)

Mental Filters.
Everything you perceive, gets filtered through your filters. These filters were created by events, words or actions from your past. So, every time you need to act, react, converse, or decide, it runs through these filters. So, right now, you are imagining a filter coffee machine with life (the water) poured in at the top. Now the water runs through the fine sieve filter with the powder of your past.

(So, now that the smell encouraged you to get up and you are back with a cuppa, we can continue. After all, what is a good read (great read) without a good cup of freshly brewed coffee?)

The coffee (outcome) is being processed… It runs through a few of these filters in a very short time to process the outcome. This outcome may be a reaction, words, decision, thoughts, etc. There are a few such filters, but we will discuss one or two at a time to give you time to filter what I’ve said…
In the next few posts, I will discuss each in more detail. If you understand mental filters, I guarantee it will change your life. No, it is not a get rich quick scheme! But the possibilities are endless. What if you can understand people better just by understanding how they get to the things they say and do? In turn, how will that affect the way they see you? (How will that be for business?)
What makes people tick?

The customer is always right.

Right?
You and I both know it is as far from the truth as the East from the West. I have chased many guys from my range (yes, I provide firearm training. I am a lead service provider and supply firearm training material to many other centers). We (my wife and I) own a shooting range. Every now and again we will get a guy (sometimes a gal, but they are not generally as arrogant) that will stand in my shop and tell me he has no time to attend the firearms course, he was in the army and can shoot, and he does not have time to write the test. He needs a new rifle before hunting season and will pay extra to attend the course in absentia. Mr. Army usually wears a two-tone Khaki shirt and has a “well-groomed” beard dripping of “beard oil”. (But that is not always the case. Chancers come in all shapes and sizes.)

That is my trigger…
You see, it is simple mathematics…
How can I ask God to bless my business if I know I am chasing a quick buck by assisting this guy?

So, my first question usually is: “If you don’t have time to write the test, how on earth will you find the time to go hunting?”
The older guys usually give me an answer: “I was in the bush war while you were still wearing nappies!” Now, his statement is not completely true. I was stuck behind a desk, trying to pay attention in school. (The days I did attend…). Luckily, I did, because now I get to write blogs an communicate with you.

Anyway, I like those answers. My next question will be: “That’s nice. How many terrorists did you shoot?” Can you claim the hit?”
OOPS! By now he is wild with rage, but somehow something is preventing him from launching a full-on physical attack. Then he says: ” I was an instructor in the army!”
Me: ” but the army only trains infantry with rifles. You want to do shotgun and handgun course as well…”

So, before my customer throws the “the customer is always right” card, I provide him with this statement. Now keep in mind that not all who want shortcuts will play the “I was in the army while you were in nappies” card. Some are younger than me. Yes, I am no longer getting out of bed without sound effects.
All these guys think they can just buy the certificate, and everyone has a price. So, before the conversation gets physical, I ask: ” How can I expect God to bless my business if I know I am doing the wrong thing by helping you?”
Guess the outcome…

I have stopped instigating an argument with these guys (even it is fun sometimes). I just ask the above question upfront when the conversation starts turning the “turn a blind eye” route. That question is like a light switch. Whatever hope he has (or had) of getting a certificate for an “in absentia” course, was just switched off. In the darkness, the whole idea just blew out the front door with him normally taking the lead and the idea he had becomes the tail between a dog’s legs in the quick get-away.
So, what makes these guys think everyone has a price? Do you have a price?

What amount will you sell your integrity for?

The simplest explanation of integrity I ever heard, and made my own, is: Doing the right thing, especially when no one is watching.
So, the above story will let you think. How does this guy walk into your shop and think that he can wave his magic wand and get what he wants?
“Do you know who I am?!”
Shame, the poor guy lost his identity… (if he doesn’t know who he is, how is going to get home?)
What filters does his thoughts run through?

Mental Filters:

• Over Generalizing:
I think the word Over Generalizing makes a statement of its own. Don’t you think so?
This guy walks into my shop, thinking that he can demand a certificate when he offers extra cash under the table. He thinks that everyone’s integrity has a price. On the opposite side, I tell my staff that everyone is willing to pay the extra under-the-table fee to get things done quickly without having to study. So, who is at fault here?
Me or him?
Both?
Both it is then. Although we live in a corrupt world, there are still a few that just cannot be bought. Whatever the price.

Integrity cannot be bought! Or sold. True integrity, I mean. Honesty is also a thing of the past. Nobody speaks the truth anymore. The world has gone to sh……
(No, you thought wrong. You will notice that the SH has 6 dots. So, NO. I did not write the first word that came to (your) mind.
Now stop over-generalizing!
Sh…… ambles! The world had gone to SHAMBLES.

I have a question for you:
How many people have you judged wrong by over-generalizing? How many times have you made the wrong assumptions because of it?
By the way, my statement above of “Honesty is also a thing of the past. Nobody speaks the truth anymore,” is also a generalization. So is “All blacks are criminals.”

How dare we think that? So, all whites aren’t? All whites are honest law-abiding citizens. You read that out loud and hear the sound of the buzzer. You know, the TV game show buzzer sounding the terrible alarm to the audience that your answer is WRONG. I have had many people from many cultures and colors try to bribe me. (Yes, mostly whites.)
Over-generalization is a common judgment tool we use to ‘sum someone up”.

What you can do this week

So, for this week, I have homework for you.

Think about the role Over-generalization plays in your life. Can you change the way you see the world, or other people if you can stop doing it?
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In the next post we will continue with the Mental Filters.
Ever thought about labeling? Or self-labeling?

That is only the tip of the iceberg.
How attentive are you to how people respond to you? How will your employees respond to you if they feel you understand where they are coming from?
Do you get where I’m coming from?
I look forward to seeing you in the next post. The subscription to the newsletter will keep you notified.

Be blessed.
Francois

The “follow the recipe” Mom

Ever since my children can remember, I planned their birthday parties. I would have asked them what theme they want for their birthday, and planned everything up to the last detail. The day after the party, they would say: “Next year, I want to invite so and so” or “next year I want a Spiderman or Barbie party”! They would always plan their next party way ahead of time.

My oldest daughter turned twenty-one yesterday, and we are still in lockdown. So, this year I had to walk the extra mile to make her birthday special! She loves French Macarons, and I wanted to use it as decoration on her cake. Now you can imagine, French Macarons are not something that you can buy at any convenient store, and with lockdown, there are no open bakeries in my area. Therefore, I have decided to try them myself….

OH MY WORD, what a difficult thing to bake!

If you have never tried making French Macarons before, get this……

Not only can the weather be playing a role in the outcome of your macarons, but you cannot use an oil-based food coloring, or the egg whites cannot be too fresh. The recipe says it is better to use a stainless steel or glass bowl for the mixture. Don’t over mix or under mix, and these are only a few of the tips. There are many reasons when making these finicky little cookies, for something to go wrong.

I had a few trials and errors, baking these cookies, and I still can’t get the hang of it. Needless to say, I just couldn’t master it before her birthday, but I will not give up trying. To master the baking of these little cookies, takes time, patience, dedication, and commitment. According to the experts of macaron baking, you can never really know the outcome of these little cookies, until you take them out of the oven.

While I was trying to make the most of this project, and try to master the art of baking French Macarons, it got me thinking…

When we become mothers, we don’t receive instruction manuals that show us how to raise children. All of us will learn as we go, and we will figure out things along the way. We make mistakes, and we will continue making mistakes, no one is perfect. We only need to give our best in raising our children, and we have to love them unconditionally, with patience, dedication, and commitment.

One thing that I know for sure, you can never predict the outcome of your adult children. Like these French macarons, you can follow the recipe exactly as instructed, but they can still have cracks. The same goes for our children, they will never be perfect. Even if you raised them with love, discipline, and all the patience in the world, they can still make mistakes, and they will make mistakes, but how you react to their mistakes will make or break them.

With Mother’s Day just behind us, I know there are mothers that are going through tough times with their children. Children that maybe ran away from home, or using drugs. Children that rebelled against all their beliefs, and everything they were taught, whatever, the reason may be, there will always be hope, and you must never give up on that hope. I know the feeling, because I have a prodigal son, and I know, no matter what, my prayers will carry him through these times, and because of the foundation I laid in his life, he will come back someday, and when he does, I will be there with open arms.

So, my message for you today; don’t feel like you failed your children! Don’t blame yourself, because in most cases, it is not something that you did wrong. It is important that you keep praying for your children and never give up on them! And even if your children are all Goody two-shoes, you still need to pray for them!

Blame it on the hormones

After tossing and turning, and lying awake yet another night, I realized it’s my hormones!

AGAIN!!!

Within the past few years, my life had changed dramatically due to hormones. At first, I experienced unexplained weight gain. I exercised regularly, I followed a healthy diet, and I tried everything to lose all the unwanted weight that I gained, but still, my weight stayed an issue. I had difficulty sleeping. I struggled with hot flashes, concentration, irritability, and anxiety. Fatigue took over my life, and I had to do something. I had to make a change!

I realized that I needed some medical help. After undergoing some tests, it was confirmed; it was my hormones! With some herbal medication and a change in my diet, I was sleeping again, and all my hormone issues were resolved within a few weeks. My weight was coming down while still doing the same exercises as before, but I had to stop eating certain foods. Although it was healthy foods, it was not good for me at the time. You see, it turns out, if your hormones are imbalanced, certain healthy fats and fruits are helping with weight gain instead of weight loss.

If our stress levels are high, they tend to cause imbalances in hormones like cortisol. Many annoying little bugs in our life, can lead to our stress levels, as you know. Unfortunately, my hormone issues were not all resolved as I discovered later, and I had to undergo a hysterectomy a few months ago. Therefore, the sleepless nights again, I am on a trial and error with the estrogen levels I need.

So, while I was tossing and turning again last night, my brain was working overtime. All hyped up and working hard, like those cars in “The Fast and The Furious” movies! I’m sure all of you have seen one of those movies, where they drive the cars so hard, and adding all kinds of gadgets, making a 4 Cylinder perform like a V8. Then, I woke up this morning with a headache and feeling all burned out, like one of those tires after a drift race.

Whenever I feel like that in the morning, I just want to go back to bed, but one thing I have learned over the years is the times when I was tossing and turning and my brain working overtime, was the times I got my best brainwaves. The idea of how to deal with certain clients, the idea of how to deal with a problem you could not solve before. Those worries about my children then became prayers for my children, and…. the idea for my next blog...

I realized this morning; I was up all night, for this reason… to write my blog today. I discovered that there are so many women, struggling with weight issues, but they don’t realize that their hormones could be the problem. I have heard so many people say:

“You are what you eat” or, “You just need to exercise more”, or “You don’t need to take something to help you lose weight”.

There are many “know-it-all’s”, but those “know-it-all’s” never had hormonal issues!

So, I just want to motivate all of you that are trying to lose weight, not to give up. It is possible! It takes hard work and dedication, but you can do it. Don’t be too hard on yourself, thinking you can do it in a short period, it took me a year to lose 12kg, but it was a healthy 12kg.

Don’t try all kinds of fad diets. If you do, you will probably lose some weight, but gain everything back in no time at all. You need to make a lifestyle change. You need to think healthy and make the better choice.

If you also struggle like I did, and you are eating healthy and exercising, but not losing any weight, make an appointment, and get tested, it could be something simple like hormones, holding you back.

Thank you for all of you who subscribed already!!

If you are still waiting, don’t delay. Next week all my subscribed members will receive my favorite LCHF Chocolate Brownies Recipe.

I have added two e-books below, with helpful information about hormones. Grab at least one of these offers. It is better to be educated than to suffer from all the symptoms.