Smile and Wave or Stay and Fight

Being an Online Life Coach is the reason I started my blog. I don’t believe in coincidence, everything happens for a reason. That is why my blog today, was not by accident or coincidence.

In the past few weeks, I had conversations with a few people that are struggling to let go of their past. They can’t let go of certain people from their past. They keep grudges against people that have wronged them twenty years ago etc, etc…

My plan was to write about teenagers today, because believe you me, some of us can do with some advice on teens. But, like I said, that was what I had planned, but my mind kept shifting back to the past and forgiveness. After I made up my mind about what the title of my blog would be today, I read my husband’s blog. I had no idea what his topic was, but I was stunned, to say the least!

Again, like I said, nothing is by chance! There it was, confirmed in black and white. We wrote about a subject that was interlinking like chains, connected as if it was planned.

How many times have you argued with your spouse, or someone close to you, where one of you would bring up something that happened a long time ago. Even if you know that is not the reason for the fight, but by throwing that in there, that person just started another argument that was totally unnecessary.

Yep, I know! I have done it, and I’m sure you know exactly what I am talking about…

Ever heard these words; “He/She will never change?” Maybe someone told you something and you thought; “Typical! That is exactly what I expected from him/her.” Have you ever judged someone, based on what someone else told you? Maybe lies were spread about you, and you lost a great friendship. You see, we all make mistakes. For some of us, our mistakes can make us feel so guilty, that we can’t forgive ourselves. Perhaps you got hurt, and you can’t forgive. But there is one thing we need to consider in all of this… can people change? Are you still the same person that you were 20 years ago, or have you changed?

If you read my husband’s blog, on our Life Coach Online home page you will find a much deeper understanding of why people do the things they do.

Let me take myself as an example: I am not the same person I used to be 20 years ago! I thank the Lord for that! I don’t think my hairstyle of 20 years ago would suffice… I am not even the same person as I was a year ago. I decided to change for the better, and I am growing each day. I made many mistakes, and I have done things that I am not proud of, and even ashamed of, but because I made changes in my life, I can move on. I cannot forget everything, but I can forgive others, and most of all, I can forgive myself.

And this is where the question that many people ask me comes in, … “but how does one forgive and forget?” You don’t! To start with forgiveness, is already a very difficult step to take, but how can you forget? If something happened, and the memory is imprinted in your brain, you cannot forget, but you can learn to forgive.

If you shuffle the cards and you look at it from the other side, if you can change, why can’t someone else change? What I am trying to say to you, is that everyone needs a fair chance for forgiveness… BUT, and this is a BIG BUT if you forgive someone, it is not to say that you have to be big buddies again. Forgiveness doesn’t mean you have to go back to how things were, and have lunch once a month. You don’t even have to speak to that person again, but you need to forgive!

I have made that mistake many times in my life, and every time with the same person. I gave that person my forgiveness and another chance back into my life, just to get to a point, where I have to struggle with forgiveness again and again. So, everyone CAN change, but everyone doesn’t always want to.

This is not the same for everyone. So, when you forgive, and it is a relationship that is worth fighting for, then you fight for that relationship. BUT, if you have experience of that person always going back to his/her old ways, forgive the person and then…….. smile and wave! Yes, you can pray for him/her, but it is not your responsibility to change anyone. That is a decision every person has to make for themselves.

Do you feel stuck in the past for some reason? Are you struggling with forgiveness? Have you made any changes to grow? If you need any help in this area, go to our Life Coach Online home page for more info. Below is also a great e-book on forgiveness. I know forgiveness is not an easy thing to do on your own, but if we want forgiveness, peace, and joy in our lives, we need to forgive others

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Choosing Forgiveness